his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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