I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
