Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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