Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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