I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
