I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
