Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
