Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
