You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
