FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
