just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
