"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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