I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
