I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
