my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
