I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.