Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"