you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
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This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.