There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.