i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."