My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma