i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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