either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?