Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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