what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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