I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
