also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
