She is in my trunk
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
