If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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