You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just high enough for therapy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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