I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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