I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
