dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
