can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize