Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
