Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
