How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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