wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
