I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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