at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
