Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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