More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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