i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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