Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
