don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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