now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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