im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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