It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize