she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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