Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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