i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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