dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
