The best revenge is premature balding
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
