I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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