my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
