Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
