...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
