The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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