So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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