just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
