Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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