fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize