This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
