she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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