yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
