my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
