Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
