i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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