I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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