Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
