he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
