I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
